Hello there.

It’s been a minute since the last time I was on social media or sent a newsletter.

Truthfully. I got very overwhelmed. Add some fear, anxiety and shame in the mix and it was the perfect storm for a total shut down.

But in the midst of this state, I found some space to clear my mind and reset my heart.

I’d like to invite you in as I share my journey out of this storm.

But here is the thing about me … I often picture my life as a garden, so that’s where we will go … Into ….

The Garden.

It’s a place I love to be.

It teaches me to be observant.

It teaches me to be diligent.

It teaches patience.

It cultivates awe and wonder in my heart.

It shows me that life lessons are hidden in tending a garden.

And above all, it connects me to the Great Gardener.

I just turned 40 and, sadly, anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I have found ways to cope and live with the grip I feel in my chest, that shallow way I breathe and the way I no longer hunger for food. Different seasons in my life have brought out more anxiety than others, but starting this small local business has released anxiety in a whole new, overwhelming way. What I’ve discovered is that there is a deep rooted insecurity in who I am, in my identity.

Stepping away from social media in August was such a healthy step for me. I had to quiet the excess voices in my head and reset it to listen to the One I needed to hear the most.

I’ve been fighting for freedom and transformation in my life for the past 11 months. I’ve uprooted ugly weeds in this garden I call life. I’ve irrigated areas that have felt parched and in need of refreshment. I’ve investigated why this “life garden” has become the unruly mess it’s in. As I’ve cleared away unwanted vegetation, I’ve been able to lay new paths. I’ve made sense of why certain parts of this garden have bore no fruit or have yet to flourish. All this tending of my soul has led to a freedom I’ve not experienced in my life thus far.

Just a few weeks ago, my husband ran across a song called “Tend” by Bethel. He shared it with me knowing how deeply I would connect with the lyrics. He is the person so intimately close to my journey of healing. As I listened to the song for the first time it felt like someone had put to words what I felt has been happening in my life for the past 11 months. But it also felt like the longing of my soul. It felt like the thing that God was so lovingly tending in my life. The Creator of this garden has been tending the soil in my soul. This song became a deep prayer in my soul.

I want Him to break up the fallow ground of my heart.

I want The Gardener to come in and tend to my heart

so that what He loves can stay and grow.

I want what is running wild to be pruned.

I won’t shy away, I WILL let the branches fall.

I want those dead things in my life to be taken away.

He will sustain what He has started.

And He will teach me to abide.

The thing about a garden is that it can be a picture, a metaphor, a real representation of how we are capable of feeling in life.

Our lives can be so overwhelming. So polluted. So overgrown. So unruly. So dead and in need of tending.

Being human is so immensely hard.

And yet, tending a physical garden is so much “easier” than tending to our heart, soul, and mind.

So …

Can you now see how your life is like a garden?

What do you see? What is growing? What needs tending? What needs pruning? What needs uprooting? What needs watering? What needs shelter and reprieve from the strong winds?

I hope you hear a quiet whisper in your heart as you reflect on these questions. And I hope you find your heart and soul worthy of tending.

I did.

Your Denton Flower Farmer // Florist,

Audrie

Tend

our first home.

little seed flowers